Youth in
my care

I’m here for

They may not always show it, but odds are that your child or a youth in your care wants you to take an interest in their life.

Make sure they know they can “bother” you with whatever’s weighing them down.

My child is having thoughts of suicide. How can I help them?

Learning that your child is thinking about suicide can be scary and overwhelming for a parent or caregiver. First of all, stay calm. And take their feelings seriously.

Encourage your child to talk about why they are thinking about suicide. Listen without dismissing or judging their feelings.
Thank them for their honesty. Encourage them to talk about the reasons they feel this. Say, “I’m sorry you are in this pain. Let’s get help and learn more together.”
Prioritize safety. Remove any weapons from your home and securely store blades, rope, and medications. Do not leave them alone. Learn more at: https://strivingforsafety.org/
A child or youth who is having suicidal thoughts should be seen by a mental health professional. Ask them to develop a Safety Plan with your youth and share it with you.
Based on your judgment about the urgency of the situation, you can also bring them directly to the emergency room.

Call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 any time (24/7) to get help right away. Get more resources.

My child shared that their friend is talking about suicide. How can I help?

Reassure your child that they did the right thing in telling you. They may feel like they’re betraying their friend’s trust, but they need to know that they are actually potentially saving their life.

Find out more about the situation, and what their friend has said or done. Does their friend have a specific plan?
If you are able to talk to their friend directly, let them know you are there to listen and help. If possible, get in touch with their parent or teacher.
Call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 any time (24/7) to get advice on how to proceed.

My child’s school told me they’re concerned that my child may be depressed. How should I start the conversation with my child to find out if they are having thoughts of suicide?

Sometimes young people hesitate to come to a parent or caregiver with their problems because they are afraid of bothering you. Make time to talk when you can give them your full attention.

Share their teacher’s concerns, and any changes in behaviors you may have noticed.
Ask your child directly: “Are you thinking about suicide?” or “Are you thinking of ending your life?”

Asking questions won’t put the idea in their head. Your child may be relieved that you brought it up.

What are the warning signs of suicide?

Take action if you notice these warning signs in friends or family. They might show up in person or on social media:

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And remember:

Warning signs show up in different ways. You probably know what it’s like to hide your pain — kids and youth do that too. But it’s important we make sure they know they’re never a bother, their feelings are real, and that support is there if they need it.
Even if the young person in your life seems to be okay, keep the conversation going. Take time to ask about feelings, check in, and let them know you are always there and can lend a non-judgmental ear. Learn more tips here
Trust your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right or if you notice one or more warning signs — especially if it’s new, increased, or related to a painful event — have a conversation and ask directly if they are thinking about suicide. Read on for conversation starters and additional help!

But how do I know if my teen is just being a teen… versus when I should worry?

We know, it can be tricky to tell the difference.

If you answer yes to any of these questions, you should have a conversation with the young person in your life — especially if the behavior is new, has increased, or seems related to a painful event, loss, or change:

Has your youth lost interest in activities like school, sports, video games, hobbies, or hanging out with their friends?

Any dramatic mood changes?

Are they angry, agitated, or irritable in a way that seems out of character or context?

Are they unusually tired?

Any unusual neglect of their personal appearance?

Do they seem to feel sad, worthless, or hopeless? This could show up as a preoccupation with song lyrics that suggest life is meaningless.

Do they frequently complain about headaches, stomachaches, or fatigue?

Have you noticed a change in appetite? Dramatic changes in weight, anorexia, or bulimia?

Have they been giving away belongings they care about?

I want to talk to them. Where do I start? How do I break the ice?

At the beginning of the conversation:

Find a place and time to talk.
Actively listen — really hear what they’re saying.
Ask about the behaviors you have noticed.
Make sure your questions are open-ended, instead of yes-or-no.
If your teen is silent, they might just be thinking of what to say. Get comfortable with silence and give them time to think.
Stay calm and nonreactive.
Don’t worry about getting the words exactly right.

You might say…

“I want us to be able to talk about all the things, even the ones that feel difficult to say out loud. How are things going for you?”

During the conversation:

Even if what they say is upsetting, focus on their needs first, not your own response.
Validate their feelings and let them know you’re proud of them for sharing with you.
Be genuine and be okay with admitting you don’t know something.
Don’t push. Your teen may insist they’re fine. Don’t insist on proving them wrong because that might make them shut down.
Most importantly, ask directly: “Are you thinking about suicide?”

Does asking about suicide put the idea in their head?

No. According to research, asking about suicide does not put the idea into a young person’s mind. In fact, talking openly about suicide shows young people that it isn’t taboo. It creates a safe environment for them to ask their own questions and express how they’re feeling.

Prepare yourself emotionally in case they say yes.

What if they say yes?

Don’t panic. Stay calm. If they see you panic, they might shut down and stop sharing.
Thank them for their honesty. Try saying, “I’m sorry you’re in this much pain. Let’s see what we can do to figure this out. I want to be helpful. Let’s get help and learn more together.”
Encourage them to talk about why they feel this way. Listen without dismissing or judging their feelings.

Next, prioritize safety:

Ask them if they have a plan for how and when to die by suicide. You won’t be planting any ideas — you need to know how far along they are in the process so you can create a safe environment.
Ask if the thoughts are intrusive/unwanted, or do they intend to hurt themselves?
Remove any weapons from your home and securely store blades, rope, and medications. Do not leave this young person alone. Learn more about creating a safe environment at: strivingforsafety.org
Take them to a mental health professional, who should create a safety plan, which will include coping strategies and people/ places to call when they are in emotional pain or a crisis. Ask to be part of this plan and for them to share it with you.
Reach out to their school so they can be part of the team to support your youth.

If you believe this is an urgent situation:

Call the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline together.

If your community has one, go to a walk-in mental health stabilization center, where support is available to help your teen through their immediate crisis and plan for next steps.

You can also bring them directly to the emergency room if you’re worried about keeping them safe at home.

Can I trust crisis lines like 988 to give my child the right support?

The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is open 24/7 and is 100% free of charge. It is available in both English and Spanish. 988 has been around for nearly 20 years and is staffed by mental health professionals and volunteers who have dedicated their lives to helping others.
988 is answered by skilled and experienced counselors who have received extensive training. All 988 crisis centers must meet stringent standards that are based on the most current knowledge and best practices for providing interventions over the phone and through chats and texts.
The counselor will have a conversation with your child to better understand how their problem is affecting them, provide support, and share resources that may be helpful
There are other options as well, including Teen Line, a peer-to-peer crisis line. Visit our Get Help page to learn more.

They said no, but I’m still worried. What should I do?

Remember, it’s helpful that you’re having this conversation. It shows you care deeply about their well-being.
Don’t push. Your teen may insist they’re fine even when you see signs that they aren’t. Don’t try to prove it. Be patient and keep the lines of communication open.
Offer support. Let them know you’re there for them and listen without lecturing or judgment. Make sure they know they’re never a bother.
Stay vigilant. Pay attention to their behaviors and check in regularly.
Encourage positive connections. Help them maintain friendships and connections with loved ones, and make it easier for them to do activities they enjoy (like driving them to play soccer or taking them to the movies or their friends’ houses).
Promote healthy emotional skills. Build their resilience by showing them how to cope with stress, anger, and sadness.
Encourage exercise. Physical exercise can help reduce stress and depression. It doesn’t have to be high-intensity — yoga and mindfulness can help with anxiety and distractedness.

How can I keep the conversation going before there's a crisis?

Use everyday moments as opportunities to talk about mental health. If you see something about mental health on a show or in the news, use that as a chance to check in.

Teens open up when they feel connected, respected, and supported. Create a home environment that is free of judgment, doesn’t minimize their feelings, and that affirms what they’re going through is real.

Ask open-ended questions like “how have you been feeling lately?” If they shut you down, keep asking. Maybe talk about how your family has (or has not) talked about mental health.

Regularly ask about their hobbies, friends, and schools. If you’re showing an interest when things are going well, they’ll be more likely to share when things get tough.

Spend quality time together, doing things they enjoy or find new interests to explore.

Be their cheerleader and support their goals and dreams.

Go deeper in conversations — instead of just talking about day-to-day tasks.

Remember: Feeling supported by friends, family, and connected to one’s community can help prevent suicide.

Use everyday moments as opportunities to talk about mental health. If you see something about mental health on a show or in the news, use that as a chance to check in.

Ask open-ended questions like “how have you been feeling lately?” If they shut you down, keep asking. Maybe talk about how your family has (or has not) talked about mental health.

Regularly ask about their hobbies, friends, and schools. If you’re showing an interest when things are going well, they’ll be more likely to share when things get tough.

Spend quality time together, doing things they enjoy or find new interests to explore.

Be their cheerleader and support their goals and dreams.

Go deeper in conversations — instead of just talking about day-to-day tasks.

Remember: Feeling supported by friends, family, and connected to one’s community can help prevent suicide.

Are there certain things that can help my child’s long term wellness?

For your child’s long-term wellness, help them build healthy habits like:

Getting enough sleep

Eating healthy food

Drinking water

Physical activity

Learning skills for how to handle their stress and use self-care tools will also serve them for their whole life. See more coping skills here.

Most importantly, make sure your child knows they can “bother” you any time they have something on their mind. And then be sure to listen.

Is my child too young for me to talk about suicide?

You can talk about mental health and suicide at early ages, keeping in mind the need to use age-appropriate language for your child (see our tips below). Having these open conversations before a crisis can help prevent a crisis from happening, or make a crisis more manageable.

Trust your instincts: If you notice a warning sign — especially if it’s new, increased, or linked to a painful event — it’s time to have a conversation.

At this age, honesty about the topic is best. However, you’ll want to avoid providing too much information that the child may not be ready for. Allow your child to lead the conversation with their questions and avoid giving the impression that suicide is something kids should not think or talk about. It’s important to emphasize that suicide is not a solution to problems, that there are always other choices, and that most people do get help.

By middle school, many youth will have experienced scary, complicated emotions. Start the conversation by asking them what they have heard about suicide. Correct any misinformation and clearly ask if they have thoughts about suicide, or if any of their friends have talked about it. You want them to know that it’s safe to be direct and that talking about mental health and suicide is okay. Pre-teens or “tweens” are dealing with many stressors in their lives, so be sure to ask a lot of follow-up questions that encourage them to continue to explore their thoughts and feelings, and get them used to talking about their moods and struggles. Let them know everyone feels sad or disappointed sometimes, and that help is always here.

It’s likely your child knows someone with mental health challenges. Let them know mental health struggles are common and treatable, and not a sign of weakness. Emphasize that they can always talk to you and that help is available.

At this age, teens want to be addressed like an adult, are ready to explore pros and cons, and are eager to critically evaluate and form their own conclusions. Ask questions that show you respect them and avoid a one-sided conversation that feels more like a lecture.

Don’t rush to correct their perspective or manners — instead, focus on active listening and open-ended questions. Teens respond much better to a give-and-take dialogue. Give truthful and realistic answers to their questions. You can also offer them new information that they can absorb and use to fuel their own outlook and beliefs.

By the time a teen is 14 or older, the risk of suicide has increased considerably. Make sure they know what to do if they or someone they know experiences suicidal thoughts, including quickly reporting to a trusted adult or reaching out to 988 or other crisis lines. Help them understand that being a true friend means not keeping secrets that could lead to someone dying. Make sure they know about support resources like 988 for themselves and friends.

Culturally, in my family, we don’t really talk about mental health. How can I change that?

Not talking about mental health is common in a lot of families and cultures — and this needs to change. While you might not have had the chance to talk about mental health while you were growing up, you can give this valuable chance to your child.
The first step to breaking stigma is to start talking. It’s not easy, but it’s okay to feel uncomfortable. You just need to try. Maybe start with acknowledging that you didn’t talk about mental health growing up, and that you want to break this cycle.
You’re on this page for a reason: to support your child’s mental health and to prevent suicide. By talking about it, you’re letting the youth in your life know they have people they can go to — without shame or hesitation — when they need help. You’re letting them know they’re not alone.

My child attempted suicide. What can I do to support them moving forward?

As a parent or caregiver, there may be no worse thought than the possibility of losing your child to suicide. Let them know you are there for them and most importantly, know that you are not alone in supporting a youth in your care.

Here are some ways you can support your child:

Encourage them to talk about the attempt if they want to, but don’t push them. Keep the lines of communication open.
Know that healing after a suicide attempt is going to take time, at your child’s own pace.
Find a mental health professional that your child is comfortable with.
Develop and support your child’s safety plan. A safety plan identifies coping strategies and people and places that can offer support.
Check in with your child and make it clear that you are there to listen and support no matter what.

Be sure to also take care of yourself while dealing with this stressful event.

Youth in
my care